I thought you just made a premature decision by leaving us before. I thought it was just a product of you being overwhelmed by new environment, a more comfortable life and you just had a better-in-almost-everything-option. Something that I think you believed is far from possible if you stayed with us.
I made myself think that you left us because you wanted a better life and that such thinking is not wrong. Yes, I justified what you did because I cannot live hating the only man I have loved first. I processed the thought that desiring for a better life is everybody’s right and leaving us was part of the choice you need to make to have a better life. “I understand”, was what I always told myself and the people around. I want to believe I do and I think I did, not until now.
What happened? Why are you ruining your life in front of my scarred soul? Every time I think of the accusations they made against you, there is a mixed feeling of pain and a little disgust. It is beyond painful for reasons I cannot exactly explain. And for the first time in my whole life being a daughter, I feel disgusted. This feeling of disgust that I cannot fathom as of now is embarrassing me.
I am sorry that I feel this way towards you. I still want to believe that there is a very good reason for all these. I want to believe I’ll get to understand about all these, soon and by then I will be free from all these poisonous emotions that have long resided in my heart.
I hope you will get through from all of these because I believe somewhere down those cold sharp eyes is still my father 13 years ago. We will be waiting for you to come back, I hope you make it sooner though many believed it’s no longer necessary.
I wanna see you walk home SOON.