Just that.

Have you ever experienced getting used to some stuff that it becomes your routine? I bet everybody does, like me. And suddenly, things changed. Just like that! Just as you are about to be celebrating for finally accepting the unacceptable, it changes. And now you’re back to contemplating on whether you have missed time or have had so much time contemplating that you overlooked other things.

When we say we’re okay and we aren’t. We hope for someone out of the thousands who gave you an everything-will-be-fine-words-of-wisdom will step out and give you the it-is-okay-not-to-be-okay- hug. But then, no one does that. They all leave carrying with them the pride of having consoled a lonely friend. Only few realizes that the it’s okay is never okay because some pain runs and remains deep.

Maybe it is not so sad to be sad at all even when without reason. There are times when I look for that pain within because I think that is what I deserve. Being so happy scares many of us. It scares me most of the time. I can’t help but get paranoid and think of all the potential negative events to come. Paranoia. It kills the life at the moment. It prevents you from being happy today and the day after for the rest of your lives.

There is so much in my mind right now. I should have not waited this long to write them. They are like the dirty and smelly water coming out from the overflowing canal. Expected but unstoppable.

 

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